It was 1742 when they first invented the elastic cat. Word has it that the Duke of Sudbury decided that the physics of pet collision needed study, and so such a beast was the goal of the breeders and the materials engineers. Of considerable concern was the kittens' excrement, pliable and ever-congealing, extremely adhesive, corrosive, and hard to clean, let alone wear. The denoument of the experiment was to be the ballistic collision of two such felines, preferably in a perfect vacuum, but due to the equipment available, only a small swiming pool and a ping-pong table would provide a convenient collection of surfaces. If only such ethereal notions held more significance today, one might find more satisfaction in the sciences, but in the end, such lines of study were abbandoned. If only more competent researchers were provided with sufficient supplies, this particular field would have been the shining achievement of all Sudbury history, but instead it remans a laughable folly. Now we are merely overrun by millions of purring, mewling basketballs.