WIBBLE!

Today, October Ninth, Two Thousand and Four, the Wibblian Religion was formed on the Sacred Day of the Laughing Children. Seeking to make the first truly secular religion, I prayed for a sign, and lo, upon opening the door, the children were laughing. So shocking was this, it had to be a revelation.

DOGMA

There is a god, but his name is never spoken because doing so encourages thinking of him--or worse, trying to comprehend him. The word "his" is only used for personification purposes--he is beyond gender properties as he contains all of them, including alien ones. No person can comprehend all he is, because he is ALL. If you must refer to him, refer to him as Wibble. It appeals to his sense of humor.

As such, he is, among things, a patron of both the ridiculous and the sublime. He makes things happen. Daily. Because he can. Every time something happens, think of HIM.

To this effect, he has granted you a Core Purpose. When you are performing this Core Purpose, you will experience the greatest joy a person can. He has also given you Minor Purposes, which also bring joy when you do them. When you do something that just seems like the right thing to do at the time, you are honoring HIM. Whenever you laugh or smile, you are honoring HIM. When you say "Wibble," you are honoring HIM.

Wibble. Wibble. Wibble.

His symbols are the Angle and the Curve. Wherever you see angles and curves, you will know where he has been. To make a Wibble Symbol, draw an angle and then a curve. You will instinctively know which way to do it, as dictated in one of your Minor Purposes. It will seem like the right way to do it at the time.

Wibble has many subservient beings who will reveal themselves to you, from Ooogooon, the Spirit of Funky luck to AyAAH!, the Spirit of Excitement, but there *is* an entity, SUCKMO, that causes great problems: SUCKMO's Core Purpose is to cause others to deviate from their Core Purposes. As a result, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. SUCKMO is often known as the Many-Legged One, because the spirit will often manifest as something with legs.

Devout Wibblians are those who do things that they think relate to their Core Purpose or their Minor Purposes. They *do* things, for to do so honors Wibble. When devout Wibblians die, they get to experience The Joyful Life, where they get to *choose* their new Core Purpose and Minor Purposes and go act them out. Those who do not act upon their Core Purpose or Minor Purposes are forced to reincarnate again until they do.

THE TEN WIBBLIAN AXIOMS

You are a part of Wibble. Wibble loves you. Love Wibble back, in all his forms.
Do things, preferably ones that relate to your Core Purpose or Minor Purposes. This is an intuitive process. It will come to you.
People need to know the Wibblian Way. Spread the Wibblian word. Remember that others' gods may also be Wibble or a part of him. If they try to tell you that there is One True God, agree with them. Tell them that you call him Wibble because using a Holy Name can lead to blasphemy and sacrilege.
Where you are is where you are. It's all okay. You can choose to do something about it, and Wibble will love you for it, or you can choose not to do anything about it, and Wibble will love you for *that*. That is why he gave you a will of your own.
Anybody can become a vessel of SUCKMO or GABLAH. Try not to do so, and let people find their own Core and Minor Purposes; theirs are not necessarily your own.

The Last Five Axioms are different for each person, so as to better serve in various ways to suit their Core and Minor Purposes.

No mention prior to this is made of GABLAH. This is intentional. Even *thinking* about this entity or its purpose is to invite him into you. If, for some reason, you do, start chanting "Wibble" until you feel yourself back to normal.

Wherever you first experience the direct hand of Wibble will be a sacred place for you; when you stop there, chant "Wibble" until you feel that you are done. Null-chanting is permissible.

DAYS, SACRED AND PROFANE

The Primary Sacred Day is the Sacred Day of the Laughing Children, which falls on October Ninth, every year, and it is observed on the second Saturday of every month. Should the calendar change, let Wibble reveal when the new day is to be celebrated. The Sacred Day of the Laughing Children is best spent at home, taking care of yourself, your family, and the house.

The Secondary Sacred Day is called ZUUL, and it is celebrated whenever Wibble puts the thought into your head. Buy your friends gifts--they do not have to be expensive or functional--and wish them a happy ZUUL.

The period from November Third through January Seventh are known as the Days of SUCKMO. It is recommended to spend these days either alone or in the company of other Wibblians. Avoid the malls and other major centers of shopping.

PRAYERS AND QUOTES

Chanting "Wibble" is the only official prayer and may be done in any number of ways, including the running of a single index finger over the lips. However, there are other common Wibblian exclamations and signs:

If someone says to you, "It's All Good." Say back, "We're all Wibble."
"Wibble me there," is a simple prayer, asking to be put in a situation where you can perform your Core or Minor Purposes.
In more of an emergency, use, "Deliver me from SUCKMO."
If someone asks you about what you're doing, just say, "Don't mind me, I'm Wibbling."

WIBBLIANS AND ENLIGHTENMENT

Enlightenment is a state that will come upon you when you realize your Last Five Axioms, fully understand them, and live in harmony with them. Living by the First Five Axioms is sufficient for this to come about. Not every Wibblian needs to experience this. Actively pursuing this is often a waste of time, unless it relates to one of your Purposes. It will happen, or not.

EXTRAORDINARY ABILITIES

There are a number of common powers that Wibblians may or may not get--these usually are only given to a Wibblian who needs them to fulfill a Purpose and usually only for long enough to do so. This may take a lifetime or two.

Timing: Always being in the right place at the right time.
Humor: Being able to make anyone laugh at ANYTHING, no matter how stupid.
Rest: Being able to sleep through ANYTHING.
State-Sharing: Being able to share one's current state of mind (joy, childishness, studiousness, etc.) with others.
Charm: An ability to get people to do whatever is suggested to them.

WORSHIP

Wibble does not demand worship--you are a part of Wibble, Wibble loves you--that is like a part of someone making love to the entirety of that person. It can be done and is enjoyable, but it is not required, and TOO much worship can distract a person from his or her Purposes.

Private worship is best done when a Wibblian has nothing better to do. Simply chanting is enough, but sharing any gesture that seems inspired by Wibble is also appreciated. Group worship is much the same--whenever any two Wibblians get together, a moment or two of chanting or other inspired acts are all that are required.

SOMEBODY out there will want to do a "formal" Wibblian ceremony. Here is a simple one:

Pick a prayer leader by die roll--highest roller has to do it.
The prayer leader light candles. Use as many as you like--you will have to clean up afterward.
The prayer leader lights incense. Use as much (or as little) as everyone is comfortable with handling--do NOT use incense if people are allergic to it.
The prayer leader starts everyone chanting.
Everyone *stops* chanting when someone has the Seizure of Wibble. This will often happen when someone gets bored and breaks out in sudden and spasmodic and/or noisy activity. This will be attributed to direct contact with Wibble and viewed as a miracle.
The prayer leader puts out the candles and cleans up any messes.

Now go with Wibble. Or not.

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